Connecting to our ancestors Series 2
I am tomorrows ancestor
The future of yesterday
And what I am in the here and now
Goes rippling out all ways
Goes rippling out always
By Brian Boothby
For the second year I am running a series of 4 weekly online Family Constellations workshops this autumn on Saturday Mornings in October from 11am to 1pm.
We will be doing mini-constellations, visualisations with our ancestors, stepping into representations of our own ancestors and those of others - experiencing the extraordinary work of family constellations.
This work brought to us by Bert Hellinger draws on his experience whilst working with the Zulu People of South Africa for 16 years in his days as a missionary and head master of a Christian School. We look at the natural order in families - if people don’t know and respect their place in a family everyone can feel the consequences and conflict can result.
We also look at the place for ritual to honour the pain and suffering of those who came before and to leave it with them rather than trying to carry their burdens in our life today.
I have found over the last few years, that I turn to my ancestors more and more often for guidance and support. My ancestors history is not just something of the past - it is a vital source of nourishment and guidance. I am still building my relationship with my ancestors. To start with I had my doubts. Perhaps they would judge what I do in my life and not want to support me. Was I judging them for living the lives they had? Yes, I certainly had been. I have learned to see their lives with reverence.
Some of my ancestors have been involved in colonialism, most in business, many have been Christian, some were abused and some abusive, some were victims and some perpetrators. They were also explorers, warriors, creators, leaders, parents and grandparents.
By remembering them and by working on having a continuing relationship with them I am doubting less and asking them for help when I need it. It’s up to them what they do with my request but I know it helps to find out about their lives and to think of them and their joys and sadness, their losses and their success. The more I learn the more I am in awe!
I have learned to remember them often, to talk about them with my family. Through Constellations work I have felt their pain and seen the changes that happen when those that had been excluded are included.
When I make a connection with those in my family system, that held in their bodies the horror of sudden loss, war, migration, colonisation, early loss of children or parents and other trauma, in a constellation - I see and feel the pain they carry, I can tell them what I see, that they are not forgotten and that I live my life in their honour but leave the consequences of their actions with them and see their reaction.
Always they want what’s good for me and those of us that are living our lives now, of course this is how it is. When I, honestly, acknowledge what happened to them or what they did as both victims and perpetrators we are released from a systemic bond that has been strangling us, when we thought it was protecting us from pain.
It is not easy work and we have a strong loyalty to our family system, we need to belong and to step away from this can feel very dangerous and lonely. If the family agreed to not talk about something because it was a loss too painful, or a behaviour that was felt to be shameful, to name it publically is breaking that loyalty. When something is acknowledged something shifts!
A special place at home to remember the ancestors.
I was touched when my daughter told me that having a place in the house where I keep photos and treasures from my ancestors has brought them more into her consciousness. She says that she feels their love, support and wishes of good will from that corner of the room when she passes by and looks at their faces.
Bonfires come to my mind at this time of year too and I had a remarkable meeting with a chap at a little church a while ago. I was visiting with a friend who was looking for the grave of an ancestor. Whilst there we met this man who told us of a tradition that dated back to the middle ages. Then, he told us, the dead were all buried inside the church. There were earth floors to enable this to happen.
Once a year, around October/November, those that had been buried a year were excavated and removed to be buried outside. The bodies had decomposed underground and just the bones were left. The skulls of the dead were put up on the window sills to enable the spirits to leave and the other bones burned in the churchyard. That would have given church services a bit of an edge!
This is the origin of the word bonfire. Not, as I thought before to do with good fire, from the French bon feu, but from “bone fire”! Anyway the practice was pursued in some places up until the 18th century but outlawed by the 19th century in favour of external burials and cremation - probably due to concerns with bad smells and overcrowding.
Another interesting and rather lovely tradition I heard about the other day was of the celebrations held in Ecuador and Bolivia on November the 2nd. Here the people believe that the spirits of ancestors return during this period. To honour their presence, the living stay inside from sundown till sunrise allowing the dead to wander freely, to visit their favourite bars, shops and parks!!
Join me ON LINE on October 10th to connect with our ancestors.
